It's been too long. I had good intentions for updating this weekly, but we all know that good intentions are the asphalt of the damned. I have a reason... it's a horrible reason... but I have one. I've been really discouraged the past couple of weeks. Sort of an ennui bordering on depression. Because of it, I've had trouble getting motivated and getting my butt to the gym and have been making very poor dietary choices (covering spoonfuls of peanut butter with chocolate chips is a very bad, but delicious, dessert option). At first I blamed it on "that time of the month", but when that passed and the feeling remained I realized that there may be more to it than that. I haven't figured it out yet, but I recognize that it's happening.
So I've forced myself into the gym most days, and changed the dessert out for fruit. Today I did circuit training (elliptical 15 minutes, 3 sets of weights, run 10 minutes, 3 sets of weights, rowing for 5 minutes, the rest of the weights) and that made me feel like I'd done something. My weight has crept back up about 4 pounds in the past few weeks, so I'm struggling with the "why bothers". I know, at my size now, I need to put in at least an hour most days to see even a minimal loss, but when I get home, I'm just exhausted.
Sorry this one isn't very motivational. I'm trying, and mostly succeeding, in taking my own advice about just doing it. It isn't helping that I still get people stopping me in the hallways. "You are still losing!" they say or "you look great!", and I have to bite my tongue when I want to say... "well, I've put on a little recently." No one wants to hear the minutia of the ups and downs (so why are you blogging it, genius?) but it's hard not to get obsessed about it when it's all people focus on about you.
Meh.
I hear and understand.
ReplyDeleteIf means anything to you, I'm happy that you are feeling strong and healthy, but in my book your weight (plus or minus) is never, ever the primary focus. Sometimes that means not so much praise and attention when weight is coming off, but it also means I love you and think you're beautiful - and I mean this truly - just the way you are.
In times when my own weight has gone down, I much prefer it if someone tells me "You look great" or "You're looking well and happy," or best of all "You look beautiful!" (which I like to hear even more if I HAVEN'T lost weight) rather than saying "You've lost weight, haven't you?" or the completely hideous "You've lost a ton of weight" as if I were some kind of monster before or that they know for certain that the way I was before was not what I wanted to be and that losing must naturally be the preferable choice.
What people don't see is when you've completely changed your cooking and eating and exercising habits. They can't see just from looking at someone all the myriad decisions, big and small, made every day in order to feel healthier and happier. If those decisions and changes don't result in weight loss but do result in a better quality of life, more health and happiness, nobody can stop you in the hall and say "Good for you" - in that sometimes smug way they do - as if they knew all along what was best for you.
The most important thing is that you do what you need to do for your own well-being.
All My Love As Always,
Laura
Cut yourself a break, cousin. EVERYONE deserves to OD on peanut butter and chocolate chips sometimes and to slack off and to gain a little weight.
ReplyDeleteThere doesn't have to be a reason and that little depression might hang on a while. Depression is just stubborn that way. Take a deep breath and give it a little more time. Time is such a gift and it will soften that depression and ennui. And soon you'll be off and running. Time.
I echo lovely Laura D. in every way. Such a wise woman.
I'm proud to be your cousin!!!!
I love my family :) Thanks, sweet cousins!
ReplyDeleteI have always thought of you as pretty as a picture. The weight thing is great because it makes you feel good physically. I'd be surprised if anybody else out there feels much differently. But it's good to make sure people who are kicking a little ass in their lives get some kudos, because you deserve some your propers. ;) Also I would like to point out that your "off" days are still pretty inspiring. I finally broke down and bought a Wii, so that I can try to get more active. And that's just drunk talk.
ReplyDeleteDara
Now I want peanutbutter with choccy chips.
ReplyDeleteSusanna, you rock. Always. Love ya!
ReplyDelete