Meh.

It's been too long. I had good intentions for updating this weekly, but we all know that good intentions are the asphalt of the damned. I have a reason... it's a horrible reason... but I have one. I've been really discouraged the past couple of weeks. Sort of an ennui bordering on depression. Because of it, I've had trouble getting motivated and getting my butt to the gym and have been making very poor dietary choices (covering spoonfuls of peanut butter with chocolate chips is a very bad, but delicious, dessert option). At first I blamed it on "that time of the month", but when that passed and the feeling remained I realized that there may be more to it than that. I haven't figured it out yet, but I recognize that it's happening.
So I've forced myself into the gym most days, and changed the dessert out for fruit. Today I did circuit training (elliptical 15 minutes, 3 sets of weights, run 10 minutes, 3 sets of weights, rowing for 5 minutes, the rest of the weights) and that made me feel like I'd done something. My weight has crept back up about 4 pounds in the past few weeks, so I'm struggling with the "why bothers". I know, at my size now, I need to put in at least an hour most days to see even a minimal loss, but when I get home, I'm just exhausted.
Sorry this one isn't very motivational. I'm trying, and mostly succeeding, in taking my own advice about just doing it. It isn't helping that I still get people stopping me in the hallways. "You are still losing!" they say or "you look great!", and I have to bite my tongue when I want to say... "well, I've put on a little recently." No one wants to hear the minutia of the ups and downs (so why are you blogging it, genius?) but it's hard not to get obsessed about it when it's all people focus on about you.
Meh.

Get SMART

Yesterday, I started talking about goals but decided I had more I wanted to say on the subject so I decided to write it as a separate post. It should be common sense that if you are trying to get somewhere specific, it helps to have an idea where you are and where you are going. You could head out without a plan, wandering aimlessly until you hopefully get there… and you might even eventually make it to where you want to go… but it’s much more efficient to use a map. That’s what a goal is.

Staying with the geography analogy, say you want to go to Dallas (not sure why you’d want to, but hey, why not and just for the sake of the story… we’re all going to Dallas). Does wishing you were there get you there? No? Ok. So where is Dallas? Is it west, east, north, or south of here? Well, it depends on where you’re coming from, doesn’t it? How far away is it? Is it on the other side of the world or within walking distance? Once you determine where you are, how do you get there? Will you need an airplane, or can you get there by car? Do you have a teleporter that can take you from where you are to there in the blink of an eye? No? Well, you’ll need to know the route and if there are any landmarks along the way.

Plotting a map for weight loss is much the same. Is it possible to drop from 300 pounds to 150? Sure it is, but it could take a lot longer than dropping to 150 from 170. How far do you have to go? How are you getting there? Can you run a marathon? Walk around the block? Increasing intensity of your workouts could help you get there sooner, but you could also risk injury and setbacks. For me, it has helped to set incremental goals… maybe 5-10 pounds at a time. It’s pretty daunting to look at your weight map and see you need to lose 150 pounds (or more). But can you do 5 pounds? By when? At work I use the SMART model for writing goals and objectives. SMART goals should be:
Specific: Where do you want to go? Setting a goal of “getting skinny” or “being healthy” is a pretty weak target. How much do you want to weigh? Or maybe, what body fat percentage do you want to maintain? You’ll have no idea if you’ve arrived if you’re not really sure where you’re headed.

Measurable: This goes back what I was talking about yesterday with the stuff about documentation as well as the stuff here about maps. And it’s hard. I can tell you from experience that it’s terrifying to get on the scale for the first time in years… or to get a body fat analysis done for the first time ever. But honestly, what you don’t know can hurt you. Know where you’ve started, where you’re going, and take measure along the way.

Achievable: It’s good to have a long range vision of what you want to be, but it’s just as important to have achievable stops along the way. Just like driving 40 hours without stopping to rest or refuel is pretty close to un-achievable, transforming from a couch potato to a marathon runner overnight is not going to happen.

Realistic: You aren’t going to look like a supermodel. Supermodels don’t even look like supermodels. And honestly, if this is about looking hot or trying to be who you were when you were 19… forget it. Well, don’t give up… but take some time to reassess. This is a lifestyle change, not a time machine, those standards are impossible.

Time-oriented: Unless you set a time frame within which you want to achieve these things, it’s not going to happen. It has to be specific, achievable, and realistic… but unless you put in some time parameters, the goal sits out there unattended and in some cases slipping further from your reach.

Some of the talk about SMART goals adds a few letters to make SMARTER goals… and I like the “ER” in this application:

Enjoyable: Going back to the trip to Dallas, how miserable will you be if you drive straight through and don’t make any stops to rest or even enjoy the trip in some way. Make it fun, or you are doomed to fail. You will fall off the wagon. If you spend years, months, or even days depriving yourself of everything you find enjoyable, you will resent every second of the journey and it will become easier and easier to slip back into bad habits. If you are having fun and tasting new and delicious things (literally and figuratively) you will find the trip not only bearable, but…weirdly… kind of fun! So enjoy a side trip to the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota… metaphorically speaking.

Revisit or Reward: Sure hard work is its own reward… but you know what’s also good? Prizes! When I re-started this journey a year ago, I determined where I would stop and look at whether I need to adjust my goals, either by time or specificity, or some other reason… and more importantly… at what points I would get prizes. If only this were third-party funded! We budgeted out some money for the prizes I’d earn along the way. At my -10% mark, I bought a kayak. At -25% I bought a Wii Fit. I’m 4 pounds away from the next prize… a new bike. The only rule we made was that the prizes had to support the new healthy, active lifestyle.

It doesn’t have to be about weight loss. It can be anything. Figure out where you’re going. Figure out how you’re going to get there. Go.

"Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing."

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend a leadership class at work. One of my classmates had seen me on the news and wanted to have lunch with me and pick my brain about weight loss. She was stuck. She'd lost a little, but she'd plateaued and didn't know how to move forward. I asked her if she was journaling and she looked at me like I'd grown a second head. I found it amusing, as earlier in the day she had been complaining about how people need to document processes in order to make sure the company is compliant with regulatory requirements. It's the same thing, only on a personal level. How can you tell if you are on track with exercise and calorie intake if you fail to document? It's well known in the dieting biz that people tend to over report how much they've exercised and under report how much they've eaten. Keeping an honest and accurate (as possible) food and exercise journal is, in my experience, the only way to go. Most for-profit diet programs make this a bit mysterious, but there are free tools out there that can help you keep a journal. The one I use is Calorie Count at about.com. SparkPeople is also free and very good. I've joined both, but I prefer the Calorie Count interface, and they send me less SPAM (the e-kind... not the processed "meat" product... another good idea to avoid, whether weight loss is your goal or not :-\ ) If you are web-savvy enough to be reading this, you are more than web-savvy enough to use these tools.
Do you need to do this forever? Results may vary, but I don't use it all the time. I kept a faithful food/exercise journal for four months. Every day I logged every bite of food and drink (and don't forget the "just a taste"s... sorry, they have calories too!) I logged every minute of exercise... purposefully under-estimating the perceived exertion scale by one or two intensity levels. Sure you could cheat and say you ate less than you did, or worked out more... but what's the point in that?
After about four months I felt like I "got" it, so I stopped logging everything, and just ate mindfully and kept up with/jacked up my exercise regimen. It has worked for me. If I start to plateau, I spend a few weeks journaling to get back on track.
The most valuable part of Calorie Count has been the food look up and new recipe nutritional information generator. It has really helped us to figure out which of our recipes are fine "anytime" meals for this lifestyle, which recipes could be fine with a few tweaks, and which recipes should be saved for special occasions (and which recipes, like "Heart attack mashed potatoes" should be avoided.)
It's harder in restaurants, which is why if you are really serious about weight loss, you need to learn to love cooking. That said, it's still possible to make smart choices when eating out with a little prep work. Most restaurants have websites that list nutritional information(especially chains, local places sometimes do, but it's rare). It has all taken some effort of will power, but I can't honestly say I miss heavy cream sauces or excessive applications of cheese. I can still have those things, it's just not usually my first choice. Just think about what's important, meeting your goals... or a very temporary food high, that probably isn't as tasty as you're imagining. I've gone off on a tangent... I want to talk about goals, but that may be another post.

*Title quote from Dick Brandon

Wait for it...

I've been thinking a lot lately about how instant gratification has ruined my life. That's probably overstating it, but only by a little bit. It's not just me. The entirety of modern society is plagued by see-want-grab disease. I'm not one to harp on what we've lost as a society, but I think patience is something that we should revisit.

Taking the way-back machine to my childhood, I remember claymation specials that aired once in a holiday season and the thrill of getting candy and other special treats just a few times a year. It meant something because the anticipation is just as magical as the actual event. The need to have exactly what we want, as soon as we think of it has led to unsustainable levels of consumption and contributed to both obesity rates and insane personal debt... and for what?

From personal experience, during and after college I managed to accrue a staggering credit card debt that left me dodging phone calls throughout my twenties.

Food was the same. When I got away from the routine of family dinners with the 'rents, I went a little crazy. Doughnuts for dinner? Fabulous idea! I was a grown up, I didn't need to stick to the rigid dinner menus of my youth. I've fixed that now, but it was all for the love of instant gratification. /soapbox

So, patience. One of the first things I learned on this journey is to take my time whilst eating. This has been very hard for me, especially when I'm hungry. But savoring every bite can be a big help in the fight against over eating. Studies show (no I have no references, it's a blog) that it takes about 20 minutes for the food to hit the stomach and turn off the "feed me" signals to the brain. I know that most of us are in a hurry when we eat, but think about why you're in a hurry. What's more important than properly fueling your body?

Finally, make sure what you're feeling is hunger. In our haste we often think any grumble of the tummy is hunger. Not so! Or at least not always so. Our brains frequently confuse thirst for hunger. The first thing I do when I think I'm hungry is drink some water. If you aren't drinking lots of water, and you have any interest in losing weight, I highly recommend you start doing so. Sodas (diet and otherwise), coffee, alcohol will all dehydrate you. Water is the best thirst quencher there is (except Brawndo. It has electrolytes... it's what plants want. j/k Honestly, unless you are a very high performance athlete, steer clear of the "sports drinks").

Parlay

Apparently I have something to say...

I've had quite a few questions about my weight loss. This has been especially true in the past few weeks since being featured on the local news. So I thought I'd parlay that experience into something hopefully helpful for those interested in reading it. Certainly it promises to be something helpful for me to collect these little tidbits of information that are floating around my head.

Where I come from

I used to think, “I’ve always been fat”. It’s not true. I was fat as an adolescent, lost weight before and during college, and then started gaining after college. I think I fell victim to the self fulfilling prophesy. My own poor body image made me fat (ok, not completely accurate, but it was a contributing factor). I didn’t bother. I was already fat (right?) so why should I try to be anything but that. While I wasn’t always fat, I wasn’t ever fit… and didn’t have any idea how to get there, That’s what this is about. Being fit. I’ll never be skinny. I don’t want to be super skinny. But I do want to be fit. I started to get there a few years ago. Four years ago, I dropped 50 pounds and stayed there for a few months before it started creeping back on. I gained about 40 of it back. Then last year (2009) I had a rude awaking. I tried help out a friend by buying life insurance, and was declined for my build. Blood sugar and blood pressure were fine. I had none of the obesity related diseases... but I was still uninsurable. At first, it depressed me a little. Then I got pissed. The fastest way to get me to do something is tell me I can't. I guess I'm just stubborn.

Step One: Decluttering

I restarted my journey in an odd place. My closets. In retrospect, it makes sense, but at the time I found it odd that my depression drove me to literally clean house. I cleared out all the closets in the house and got rid of a lot of clutter. Bags and bags of stuff that was meaningful to me at one time or another needed to go if I wasn't likely to ever use it again. Now I feel like this was a necessary mental step in my journey. There is little difference between the stuff I don't need that takes up space in my house, and the stuff I don't need that takes up space in my body.

Step Two: Insert Nike Marketing Slogan

As I cleaned, I realized that I had all the tools that I needed to make this work. After several failed attempts to lose weight- on a sustainable level- in the past, I finally got what it takes. Diets that restrict any particular food or groups of foods don't work in the long run. If you feel like you can never eat a favorite (or even a marginally liked) food again, you are setting yourself up for failure. I think about my junior year in high school. My parents and I were living in Germany, and we could not get Doritos. I don't really care all that much about Doritos, but when you can't have something, for whatever reason... it takes on a magical quality. A few months into our year, I went to England with my class. The other Americans and I were walking through the Underground when we all stopped, "Do you smell that?" one of them said, "DORITOS!" we shouted... and ran off on a mission to find the source of the ambrosia scent. Point is, if you cut something out, you will think of nothing else until you consume it. When you consume it, you will likely do it greedily. Carbohydrates, protein, and fats are all essential parts of any diet, but moderation is key in anything, and calories matter.

The other part of this is exercise. When I went through this process 4 years ago, I focused on the exercise and other than eating (to much of) healthy foods, didn’t focus on my diet at all. Back then I mostly focused on walking until it stopped working, then I started with resistance training (weight lifting) and yoga. I love yoga. It makes me feel good. But I discovered it can’t be my only exercise. I fell into a “yoga trap”. I thought, “I’m doing tough moves twice a week…this is good enough.”

In the past year, I've become an exerfiend. I do a minimum of 30 minutes of hard cardio (running, elliptical, amt, rowing, bike... drenching sweat inducing) most days. Walking is great, but no longer gets counted as my exercise. I do resistance training twice a week, but am starting to ramp that up to three times a week. The main thing I'm trying to accomplish is keeping my body guessing. If I get too used to any one exercise, it stops being effective. And I get bored. A bored Zanna is a dangerous thing.

But really it comes down to do whatever works for you, but just do it. What works for me may not work for you. The general principle of eat less than you burn should work for anyone.

So who cares

Maybe nobody. That's fine. I have a few more posts in mind over the next few weeks, things that people ask me about diet or running or motivation or whatever. I'm not a personal trainer or a nutrition expert, just someone who has dropped about a hundred pounds in a little over a year. The only thing I'm an expert on is what has worked for me.